I came across a report on sex ed in New York state school districts by the New York Civil Liberties Union. Much of the information available in New York schools is outdated, inaccurate, heteronormative, and downright idiotic. Some of the more egregious examples:

Female anatomy is defined mainly in relation to male anatomy: the vagina is referred to as ‘the organ that receives sperm during reproduction’, where the ‘penis fits’, ‘the organ into which the penis is inserted’, and a ‘sperm deposit’. It appears that in many districts male reproductive anatomy was discussed more comprehensively than female anatomy, and frequently depictions of female anatomy focused solely on the internal organs and did not include the external genitalia. One district also called the penis a ‘sperm gun’.

The report includes a jaw-droppingly stereotypical worksheet of the ‘male brain’ and the ‘female brain’. Male brains feature a ‘listening particle’, a miniscule ‘attention span’, a ‘lame excuses gland’, one sizable section titled ‘ability to drive manual transmission’, parts for ‘crotch scanning’, ball sports, toilet aiming, dangerous pursuits, remote controls, and avoiding personal questions, and two large portions devoted to sex. Female brains include a ‘sense of direction neuron’, a large section of ‘jealousy’, a ‘need for commitment hemisphere’, an ‘indecision nucleus’, a small area for sex, and centers dedicated to chocolate, shoe-handbag coordination, shopping, listening, and telephone skills. I couldn’t make this up if I tried.

Another handout says that men ‘want to conquer and dominate’ and women ‘try to manipulate and control’, and that teenage boys and girls have entirely different goals for sexual behavior–sex and love, respectively. What are we teaching our children?!

In one handout, ‘woman’ is described as a ‘hazardous material’ discovered by ‘Adam’, which ‘boils at nothing-freezes for no apparent reason’, ‘reacts well to gold, platinum and all precious stones’, ‘explodes spontaneously without reason or warning’, is ‘highly ornamental, especially in sports cars’, ‘can greatly aid relaxation’, and ‘can be a very effective cleaning agent’.

Hey, want to see me explode for a really good reason? Consider yourself warned.